Married To a Tibetan Man in Qinghai Province

Kimberly, an American expat who moved to China in 2005, met her Tibetan partner Konchok 11 years ago. They currently live in Xining, Qinghai Province, nearby Konchok's hometown with their two daughters, where they help promote Tibetan textile culture by offering Tibetan robe-inspired blankets. 

This summer they are celebrating their 10 year wedding anniversary. Kimberly talks to Date Night China about cultural differences between Tibet and the U.S. when dating, how it was meeting Konchok's family, their plans to move to Beijing, and how they will continue helping Tibetan tailors. 

How did you and your partner meet? Who made the first move? 

We were introduced by a mutual friend. Once we exchanged WeChat contacts we texted a lot. We also went out to explore Xining together. He says I made the first move by asking lots of questions over WeChat.

Have you had any misunderstandings or funny moments happen because of cultural differences? 

In my husband’s village and hometown area, it is not acceptable for couples to hold hands or otherwise show physical affection. There were times when we held hands there when nobody was around, and he would suddenly drop my hand when he thought somebody was coming.  

How was it meeting each other's families? 

My family was completely supportive once they met Konchok in person. His family had concerns: America has a high divorce rate for example, and his mom worried that I would have to eventually leave him to return to my family/culture. They always treated me very well however and did not prevent us from getting married. Now they see that I am a good partner for their son. 

What kind of stereotypes or difficulties have you faced (Either or both partners) in a WWAM relationship? 

Probably the biggest difficulty we have is parenting our two young daughters. We have extremely different parenting styles and it is hard to compromise. Our other challenges are usually about extended family or other members of the community and not about the two of us specifically. 

Do you often see other WWAM couples? 

For being out in Western China you would think it was not so common, but I know several WWAM couples around here, most are a Western woman with a Tibetan man.

Any advice for others who are dating interculturally or in a WWAM relationship? 

Relationships change after marriage. Make sure you are aware of your partner’s cultural expectations of people who are in similar roles to yours. If you feel you cannot or will not meet those expectations, discuss with your partner about what kind of arrangement you would feel comfortable with and come up with a compromise. 

How do you and your partner primarily communicate? (English, Chinese, other language?) 

We communicate in English. He communicates with the girls in Tibetan. English is our family language. 

Had you dated a Chinese National before, and had he dated a foreign girl before? Have you noticed any differences in dating culture between your home country of America and his country China?

Neither of us had dated outside our ethnicities before dating each other so it was a new experience for both of us. He had had some foreign friends over the years though and was somewhat familiar with western culture before we met. 

Tibetans don’t really “date” in their culture. Like many Asian societies, most marriages are arranged between families by parents. Konchok was good about going on dates and communicating by text, two things that I expected because of my American culture. Since he was “older” when we met, he had more freedom in what kind of person he dated than younger Tibetans would. His parents wanted to see him get married so they were more open minded about his potential partners than they would have been earlier on. 

Where can people follow you? 

People can visit our website at Shema-lep.com(copy and paste into your web browser). 

My Instagram account is @shema_lep_tibetan_blankets. My husband and I help Tibetan tailors have a better life and promote Tibetan textile culture by offering Tibetan robe-inspired blankets. Our blankets are made with the same materials and in the same style as Tibetan robes, making them a meaningful and much more practical item for non-Tibetan customers. 

This account is primarily my favorite photos from all over China, but especially Western China, where I have spent most of my time enjoying the kaleidoscope of cultures that reside in Qinghai.  

Read more intercultural love stories: 

Are you also part of a Western Women & Asian Men couple? (WWAM or also called AMWF) Share their experiences with us by scanning this QR code. 

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